I was young when my aunt went into premature labour with her son. I was told he was very tiny. He only lived for two days. I remember when they told me he had passed away. I laid in my bed that night and promised whoever was listening to my prayers that I would help a woman have a baby when I could. I was eight years old. I had no idea what that meant but when I was 16 I watched a documentary about Surrogacy. Instantly I knew that Surrogacy was my calling and my way to help a woman who was struggling to have a baby.
Once my family of 5 children was complete, I told my husband that I was ready to pursue becoming a Surrogate Mother. I am very fortunate to have a supportive spouse who was on board from the beginning. We discussed what our journey would be like with our children and other members of our family. Everyone we told supported our decision for me to become a Surrogate Mother.
Finding the Right Intended Parents is important for a Surrogate Mother
As a Surrogate Mother to be, I started out my search of the Intended Parents I would eventually work with. I needed to make choices about who I was looking for; I felt my calling was to help a heterosexual couple who was struggling with infertility after seeing my aunt go through her loss. After a brief search, I met L and M. They lived close to some of my family and I could see them when I went back home to visit everyone. We quickly became friends and I found myself emailing L almost daily. We took time to work on our relationship before the embryo transfer. Looking back that was the best thing we could have done. The embryo transfer didn’t turn out as we had expected and a pregnancy did not result from it.
It took a long time and ups and downs before a new Egg Donor could be located. Over that time of waiting our friendship and support of each other is what got everyone through a tough time. This was part of the journey of being a Surrogate Mother that I didn’t anticipate – the journey before the journey you might say. In the end, the next Egg Donation was a success and they had 5 beautiful Embryos. My dream of becoming a Surrogate Mother was about to be realized. We chose to transfer two of those Embryos and they both implanted. Surprise! Twins!! It really was an amazing surprise. I had carried my own set of twins so I was prepared to carry twins as a Surrogate Mother for L and M. They were in shock to say the least. Excited, nervous, happy and scared. All the emotions that any parent goes through when they learn that they have a baby…or babies on the way.
My Pregnancy as a Surrogate Mother
My pregnancy as a Surrogate Mother was like that of my own when it came to symptoms. Morning sickness, meat cravings, carpal tunnel…all the fun stuff! While I loved being pregnant with these babies, being a Surrogate Mother was different in respect to my connection with the babies. They weren’t biologically my own. I was not going to be buying baby clothes, decorating a nursery or taking these babies home from the hospital. To put it simply, I was the oven. My job as a Surrogate Mother was for nine months. To care for them, protect them and nourish them until they were ready to enter the world and the loving arms of their parents.
One thing I didn’t anticipate as a Surrogate Mother was learning that they were both presenting breach. I had never had a C-section with my own pregnancies. With the support of my Intended Parents, I quickly became an advocate for myself. I did research. I went to a chiropractor. I called every hospital and obstetrician in the area who could assist me with a vaginal twin breach delivery. There were only so many cat/cow positions I could do to flip these babies, it just wasn’t happening. Luckily after some conversations with my own obstetrician we agreed that a vaginal birth would be attempted if Baby A was in the correct breach position of bum first and chin down to his chest.
I’ve always loved the delivery part of my pregnancies. This was no different as a Surrogate Mother. I feel so empowered as a woman. It’s an amazing thing the human body does when a new life enters the world. Other than the fact that Baby A came into the world bum first and his sister, feet first, the delivery was uneventful. As I watched these two beautiful babies being placed into their parents waiting arms, I knew everything we had endured over the three years together was more than worth it. It was amazing to watch. My heart was so full of love.
Unfortunately, not all stories remain happy after the happy ending. Yes, L and M had their beautiful babies, who were healthy and happy. Nothing ever changed there. What did change was our relationship and I chose to end contact with the family. I was heartbroken. No Surrogate Mother wants things to end this way, but sometimes it does.
After a while, my desire for a happy ending as a Surrogate Mother, a true happy ending, started to enter my mind and my heart. With the support once again of my amazing husband and family, I met A and B. After many years of testing, failed IVF cycles and so much more they were ready to find a Surrogate Mother. With them only being two hours from my city, it gave us the option to see each other often and made things easier for fertility clinic appointments. We matched and quickly went to work on navigating the waters of my second journey as a Surrogate Mother.
Once again, two embryos were transferred. One was a highly graded 5-day blastocyst, the second was a lower grade. The surprise this time was mine when six weeks later the ultrasound confirmed what I had already suspected. Two babies!
This time there was no breach excitement. Just a very healthy 38-week vaginal twin delivery. What I am most excited about is the relationship that we built during that time. The relationship that we still have today. Babies F and A will be turning 2 this year. I love getting updates on them, seeing photos of them on Facebook and having chats with their parents. I finally got my happy ending as a Surrogate Mother.
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