Nursing a baby can be one of the many joys of motherhood, and many mothers would agree it is difficult, requires support, perseverance and devotion. Tandem nursing (breastfeeding more than one baby, toddler or child) requires these fundamentals times two. It entails dedication and determination on a daily, even an hourly, basis. I got the chance to interview a few Ottawa moms and here is what they each had to say about tandem nursing.
Tell us a bit about yourself.
Phyllis: I’m currently nursing a 15-month old (M) and her 31-month old older sister (J).
Jill: I am 32, mother to 4 children (10, 7.5 ,4 and 9 months) I work part time nights at CHEO as a RN.
Lindsey: I have an almost 4 year old son, and almost 15 month old fraternal (di/di) twin girls.
Why did you decide to tandem nurse?
Phyllis: Since I was still nursing J when I gave birth to M, it just made sense to me to tandem nurse. It never occurred to me to wean J before M was born. (I also nursed their older sister (S) until she was 4.)
Jill: I decided to tandem nurse because it seemed natural. My son was still nursing when my daughter was born and continued until he self weaned, my daughter nursed until after our 4 year old was born and then self weaned and our 4 year old is still nursing once in the evening while I continue to nurse our 9 month old. I will continue to nurse him until he self weans as well.
Lindsey: When I was pregnant I wanted to tandem nurse because I thought I would be nursing 24/7 otherwise. I had nursed a Singleton, our son, and as a newborn he nursed every 1.5 hrs for 45 min. I didn’t want that x 2. Thinking about tandem nursing scared me. Logistically, everything about two was scary. Once the girls arrived I found it really hard, and I ended up preferring to solo nurse, unless my mom was over to help. One of my girls was a terrible, lazy nurser and fell asleep at every feed. The great thing about tandem nursing is that the better nurser can get the milk for the lazy/bad nurser. The smaller twin needed bottle top ups (my pumped milk) after every feed, so it was a long process. I don’t remember when I stopped attempting tandem feeds, maybe when my mom stopped coming over every day around 2-3 months. At some point I started tandem feeding at night, somehow it was easier in bed with all the pillows (my husband was there to help) and it meant more sleep for me, which is key. Then when my girls started crawling, around 5-6 months, they started what I like to call “jealousy” nursing. It didn’t matter if one twin had just eaten, they would scream and cry and make their way over to where I was for milk with their sister. So that’s when I started tandem feeding again in the daytime, out of necessity.
What can a nursing mom expect in the first few weeks after the new baby arrives?
Phyllis: Hmmm… My only real memory of the first month was extreme, overwhelming hunger. I was hungry ALL THE TIME, even when I finished eating! As tired as I was, I actually think I was more hungry than sleep-deprived. My husband was great – he made sure that there was ample food and water available to me at all times, even though I never felt sated. Lol
Jill: A nursing mom can expect both challenges and rewards after the new baby arrives. It is important to maintain a relationship with the older nursing child and listen to their needs even though the new baby will need you. Support is key at this point so the new mom does not become overwhelmed and stressed. Also so the nursing relationships can remain positive. Nursing a newborn while seemed easier since my milk was already in and I didn’t stress if the new baby was getting enough or gaining because I knew what was there.
Lindsey: This will likely be different for Singleton moms, however my recovery took a long time. Your body goes through so much growing two babies at the same time, and then just like that they are out and your body has to adjust. I had swelling after the girls were born, not during. My blood pressure went up, I was sore and ached everywhere for weeks!! I was so thankful my mom came over every day for at least 10-12 hours. She made sure that I ate, because nursing two requires the most food you have ever eaten!! I would eat a bag of mini eggs or a box of shortbread cookies during one feeding! That was aside from all the meals. I am a huge water drinker, and I had to drink constantly. I was told by the lactation consultant at the hospital to pump 8 times a day, on top of all the feedings going on, to help increase and maintain supply. I think one day I pumped 5-6 times but usually it was 2-3. While pumping I would eat a meal and watch a TV show to distract me from pumping. I have heard some women need to look at a picture or think of their babies, I was the opposite. I was very fortunate that I didn’t really need to keep pumping once my daughter was able to nurse successfully. My mom also made me sleep as much as I could. As soon as I was done nursing and pumping she sent me to bed and would wake me when. The girls were awake to feed them. Sleeping, eating and lots of water were key. As well as pumping to up supply.
How has it changed your nursing relationship with your other children?
Phyllis: I don’t think tandem nursing has changed my nursing relationship with the older one per se. What it has done was helped keep our bond though. We still get our one-on-one cuddle time together when she nurses alone. And it’s fun to watch the two sisters interact when they nurse together.
Jill: At first there was a little stress on my nursing relationship with the older child, but once I let myself relax and listen to the older child I was able to work out a sort of routine that allowed the older child not to feel left out or second to the new baby that was exclusively breastfeeding. Each of the children have supported the older nursing child when a new baby has come into the family.
Lindsey: I am assuming this is in reference to the older baby/toddler who is now having to share with a newborn. I think that having two babies to nurse was really hard on my relationship with my son. While I was pregnant my husband had to step in and do everything for our son, I would still put him to bed and we would take naps together, however I wasn’t able to do much with him. Then when the babies arrived I had no time for him. In the beginning I would see him when he came home from daycare but it wasn’t quality time. It wasn’t until the girls were a little older that I was able to spend a little more time with him, and I wasn’t as exhausted. I think it put a strain on our relationship for sure, and his bond with his father was much stronger. He did, and still does, like to come and snuggle when I am nursing the girls, however, they are too distracted so he has to wait until one is finished to come for snuggles. I like that he still chooses to come at that time, and he even wants to cuddle his sisters then. It’s really sweet. As for the girls, I think once they were a little older the hair pulling and pushing and hitting showed that they preferred to have mom to themselves. They don’t hold hands very often, however sometimes they will take a break and hug each other, and it’s very sweet. One of my girls gets distracted too easily, so she is much better nursing on her own, but it’s rare that she gets the chance, unless it’s at night.
What was your biggest challenge?
Phyllis: My biggest challenge was the lack of medical support to breastfeed, let alone tandem feed. Mélanie was born a month early and ended up with really bad jaundice. Because of that, the pediatrician wanted me to formula feed so that her intake could be measured. I refused and insisted that I would continue to breastfeed her. I was then instructed to supplement every feeding with 30-60oz of formula. I was told that she would not get better unless I did so (I didn’t do it). Also, although I always nursed the newborn on demand, and had oversupply issues, the pediatrician and our family doctor wanted me to wean the toddler. They both insisted that nursing the toddler was taking essential nutrients away from the newborn and that it was impossible for me to produce enough quality milk for both of them. They pressured me for months, despite her growth charts indicating otherwise. Our family doctor knows/suspects we’re still breastfeeding and has just stopped asking me about it. Oh, and despite the doctors’ negative predictions, Mélanie recovered from the jaundice in less than two weeks – without formula.
Jill: My biggest challenge was getting our first born to latch and to have a successful feed. He had jaundice and was sleepy. I kept getting told to supplement with formula and felt no one was listening to my goals as a mother. I stuck to it and we nursed for 3 yrs. With my daughter I knew my stuff and I think all the health care providers just smiled and nodded because they knew I had my mind made up about continuing to nurse our son and new baby
Lindsey: I think my biggest challenge was nursing the girls as newborns, they were so small, and trying to support their heads, while getting them in a good position, and trying to burp one, while still nursing the other. It was very difficult. Tandem nursing toddlers in public is another challenge. They are so easily distracted, and yet they want to nurse so badly. Trying to get in a comfortable, safe position so no one is going to fall and hurt themselves. I always have to make sure I am wearing something that I can tandem nurse in when I am in public as well, not all tops work well for two!
Are there any experiences that stick out for you or are particularly memorable?
Phyllis: My most cherished memory is tandem nursing my newborn and my toddler a few minutes after they met. J smiled as she latched on and stroked her new sister’s cheek. I regret not having captured that moment in a pic, but it’s one I will never forget.
Jill: All of it has been memorable. I cherish each nursing relationship with each child and remember most fondly nursing cuddles to sleep.
Lindsey: I felt really proud of myself the first time I fed them together in the hospital, and also the first time I tandem nursed at night, made things a lot easier. When one of my daughters leaned over to give her sister a hug and said “awwww” while her sister continued to nurse, that was pretty amazing.
Do you have any tips for other mamas out there?
Phyllis: Tips? Not really – not any personal tips, anyway. Even though we have now been tandem nursing for over a year now, I hardly consider myself an expert. I just go with it and what my girls want. There have been times when I hated it, but since I’m not really sure of how to wean, I’ve just continued to go along with it. I know that LLL meetings help quite a number of mama’s, whether breastfeeding one or tandem nursing. They’re a great resource that I have often referred to friends. I should take my own advice and seek out a meeting – lol. We are expecting again (July) and I’m more than freaked at the thought of tandem nursing the newest one with the two currently tandem nursing!
Jill: My tips to new mom would be to stay positive and not worry about the little things at home. It may feel like you are doing nothing but nursing all day long but the years go by fast, other people can do the dishes and laundry, you are doing the most important job
Lindsey: I would say to give it a try, work on it when you have help, know that it will be OK if you can’t stand to nurse on your own with newborns, that stage doesn’t last forever. Try again, and try different positions. I couldn’t nurse my girls together the same way I nursed my son, so I had to get creative. See lactation consultants if things aren’t going as well as you would like. They helped me a lot. Eat a lot of food, drink a lot of water, get as much rest as possible and don’t be so hard on yourself. You are feeding more than one baby/toddler/child, you can only do so much.
A big thank you to Kim from Breathe In Photography and
Sara from Sara McConnell Photography for the beautiful photos.
Leave a Reply