Today Emily Gold, Doula and Little Lotus Yoga Instructor shares with us info about Doulas. You can find more about Emily on her website at www.birthbreathbeyond.com
As a doula I’ve heard “I don’t need a doula, I have my spouse” and “why can’t my partner be my doula”? The regular presence of men at deliveries is only about 40 years old, and personally I think it is a wonderful development. For most of humanity’s history women have been giving birth in only the presence of other women, leaving men shut out of the process and therefore not fully understanding what a woman goes through while she is birthing. Men joining women during birth can be an amazing moment of closeness for partners and trigger an early bond with their baby as a family grows. That said, men are not always sure if they want to participate in a birth or how much they can do. The inclusion of a doula to the birth team can mean more support for the birthing woman as well as assistance so her partner can have as much of a positive supportive role as possible.
As a doula I LOVE LOVE LOVE when partners, male or female, tell me they want to be involved in the birth. That said a partner is not the same thing as a doula. As a doula I have a specific role in the birth, I hold space, bring a calm energy to the situation and know that I can talk a woman through birthing pains, wanting to give up and overall tiredness. If a woman has told me she doesn’t want medical pain reduction I can work to remind her of this wish, and work with other options for pain management.
Most of these things are the opposite of what we want our partners to do, in birth and in life. When something hurts and I need relief I want my partner to help me feel better! When I am tired I want him to tell me it is ok to go to sleep, he’ll take it from here. And as partners, that is often instinctively what a partner wants to do. If a woman has expressed the desire to birth without pain medication I can remind her of this and encourage her to work with all the other comfort measures we had discussed. If she has decided she wants to give up I can encourage her to move and try a new position or a different breathing techniques. Her partner will likely want to help her feel better, and may not be able to help her work through the pain.
I tell my clients it is ok if they yell at me, curse at me, bruise me squeezing my hand and arms, in fact I forgive them in advance. Knowing and liking my client is very different than loving them, I am able to keep them focused on their goal while be able to brush off any temporary resentment they may want to place on me.
A doula has been present during birth before, and when labor starts I find this is often a comfort to women and her partner. I, like most doulas, ask my clients to check in with me when their labor has started, and then again whenever they’d like me to join them. I find just my presence can often have a calming effect on a laboring woman and her partner, often there is a notable shift to a calmer energy when I arrive. Though I am not a medical professional I’ve been to enough births to know when it is a good time to think about heading to the hospital or calling your midwife. This takes some of the stress of the partner who can focus on spending time with the birthing woman.
I LOVE do hands on comfort measures with partners! Counter pressure on the hips and acupressure on hands and feet is twice as great with 4 hands! I know how to do these things and I can remind partners so they can participate as much as they like.
Birth should be a positive experience for the birth woman’s partner, and having a doula means that he or she can take the time and space they need without feeling like they are “abandoning” their partner. Whether that means stepping out to get a coffee or take 5 minutes outside to process what is happening having a doula present means that the birthing woman is never by herself! Having a doula means that a birthing woman’s partner gets to truly live in the moment. They don’t need to be trying to remember comfort measures of breathing techniques because I am there to remind him what to do and how to do it.
Every woman’s birth team is different and we are lucky to live in a society where we have so many options. Including a doula in that team means an extra pair of hands and a calming presence for a woman AND her partner ensuring a positive experience for the whole family.
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